


got milk?

by black tea is bae (FuzzyPurplePenguins)



Series: tried & true & tired [4]
Category: Food Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: And Hopefully not Get Injured this Time Around, As Usual I Mention a Bunch of Characters that Don’t Actually Show Up, Determined Master Attendant, F/F, Fanboy Gyoza, Gen, It’s Uke Mochi Hunting Season, Kinda, Look I Still Don’t Know if this Series Takes Place During the Game’s Storyline, Look! Another Master Attendant, Team Up Battle Fic, This Fic is an Excuse to Include Bavarian Milk, Time to kick ass, Weird Game-to-Fic Mechanics, world building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-07-11 07:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15967877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuzzyPurplePenguins/pseuds/black%20tea%20is%20bae
Summary: In which Master Attendant actually goes out to interact with other humans, Milk gets new clothes, Uke Mochi blood is spilled, and Black Tea is very, very queer.aka the team-up battle fic nobody asked for feat. bavarian milk and weird game-to-fic mechanics





	1. setting out

**Author's Note:**

> I DID NOT MEAN TO TAKE SO LONG TO WRITE MORE OF THIS SERIES. Thanks, life.
> 
> So I got Bavarian Milk a couple weeks ago and got the idea to write a team-up fic. Most of the way through the first chapter I lost my inspiration and didn’t come back to this fic until I pulled Raindrop Cake (huzzah!). Finally finished the first chapter awhile ago, and thought I’d post it to get something out there and hear some feedback.
> 
> Lis Rhythm (the other Master Attendant featured in this fic) is my best friend’s master attendant. I asked for her permission before adding her, of course, and cajoled her into writing a Spicy/MA fic. 
> 
> It’s kinda my hope that posting this will help kick her butt into finishing her Spicy fic.
> 
> I expect this to have three parts, but I often get carried away. Enjoy!

“Master Attendant,” Brownie materialized by my side, as he was wont to do. “You have received a missive from another chef in the area.”

I blinked at him, and stepped away from the croissant dough I was making. “Let me see, please?” I took the envelope as soon as he held it out, tearing it open and unfolding the paper within.

My brows furrowed as I read the words of the owner of Rhythm Tavern, biting lightly on my lower lip. It looked like several Uke Mochi were causing trouble around the outskirts of the Secret Forest, and the bar’s owner was asking for my assistance in helping her clear them out.

“Hmm...” I tapped my thumb against my lower lip. “Uke Mochi again...”

Sometimes it seemed like the Uke Mochi Fallen Angels were endless. After my injury-inducing run in with one, my main team and I had thrown ourselves into training - after I had switched Coffee out for a more powerful, regal Food Soul who I had recently formed a contract with - and now I was fairly confident we could crush every Fallen Angel in the Secret Forest.

Despite that, however, it was worrying that they were gathering in larger numbers. I knew that, as one of the prominent members of the Guild representatives in Hilena, I needed to do my part.

Sighing, I set the letter down. “Brownie, tell Milk, Foie, and Gyoza to meet me out back in thirty, prepped for a mission. And send a missive to the tavern with my acceptance.”

“Right away, Master Attendant,” Brownie said, heading off to find who I had requested.

“Pudding?” I called, raising my voice.

“Yes, Master Attendant?” The young Food Soul appeared from the seating area, apron tied around his waist and notepad in hand.

“I’m leaving on a mission,” I told him. “Pull Jello, Popcorn, and Sandwich to help serve. Hawthorne’s in the kitchen already, but if you could round up Jiuniang to help her that would be great.”

“Understood,” Pudding was scribbling on his notepad. “Do you know how long you’re going to be gone?”

I shook my head. “No, so if you absolutely need it, pull everyone in. Black Tea will help you wrangle them. Please make sure Yellow, Red, and Vodka don’t get into another drinking contest.”

Pudding smirked suddenly, an expression I was not used to on my relatively mild-mannered, if strict and organized Food Soul. “I thought you liked it when Vodka got drunk, Master Attendant.”

“Not you too, Pudding,” I huffed, pulling off my apron and chef’s whites. “I thought at least you would be above the teasing.”

He said nothing, still smirking as he went off to go collect the Food Souls I’d named. Sighing and mock glaring at his back, I went off to prepare.

* * *

 

Vodka was lounging in my bed when I walked into my room, presumably wearing very little under the satiny blue-silver gown wrapped around her body.

“Master Attendant,” She murmured, watching as I tore my gaze away from her and began rifling through my closet my hardy, battle-appropriate clothing. “You are leaving on a mission?”

“Got a request for help,” I said over my shoulder, pulling on cargo pants that hugged my legs. “Lis from the Tavern said she spotted at least ten Uke Mochi on the edges of the Forest yesterday evening. We’re teaming up to take them down.”

“And you’re not taking me?” Vodka practically pouted, giving me a hooded look in the mirror as I stripped off my simple tshirt.

I swallowed, pulling a long-sleeve shirt from my dresser. “You’re still recovering from our last excursion to Parisel. Milk and Tiramisu say you’re stuck here for at least another week.”

“I feel just fine, dear,” Vodka said, setting her glass down on the bedside table.

“I’m not going to piss off the healers that keep us all healthy,” I said, pulling on boots before making my way over to give her a kiss. “Please try not to burn the café down while I’m gone, Vodka.”

“I’ll do my best,” She says, exterior melted in private. “Don’t get hurt where I can’t take care of you, Master Attendant.”

I huffed against her lips before standing up, eyes gliding across her form once more. “I’ll be back before you know it,” I said, grabbing my pre-packed bag from under the bed.

“Don’t have too much fun without me, darling!” Vodka said even as the door closed behind me.

I couldn’t help my smile, shouldering my bag and heading for the stairs. With Vodka waiting for me, how could I not do my best to make it home safe?

* * *

 “Ah, Master Attendant,” Milk said as soon as I stepped out back, fingers discreetly separating from Black Tea’s hand. “I was unaware that there were any missions planned for today.”

“This one was unplanned,” I told her, before my eyes shot over to the other female standing besides her. “You and Pudding are in charge. If you need to assemble a team for any reason, I trust your judgement to lead them accordingly.”

“Of course, Master Attendant,” Black Tea said, giving Milk a meaningful, long look before heading back inside, skirts rustling as she went.

“Master Attendant!” Gyoza came barreling out the back door, barely missing Black Tea as he dragged his magic rolling pin behind him.

“...hi Gyoza,” I said, slightly amused.

“I’m really excited to be coming with you!” The young Soul said, eyes wide in excitement. “Moon Cake was so jealous! Where are we going?”

“Out to the Forest,” I said, my eyes drawn towards the door again as it opened once more.

Foie Gras was rather withdrawn, although Tiramisu, Black Tea, and Milk had been slowly drawing her out of her shell in the weeks since she’d become one of my Food Souls.

As a rarer Food Soul, with a magic staff she carried everywhere, Foie had quickly become one of my most powerful battle-capable Souls, behind only Black Tea. She was a no-brainer for this mission, able to Charm Fallen Angels into attacking one another.

“Okay,” I said, pushing my hair out of my face. “Let’s move; we’re meeting Lis on the edge of the city.”

“Yes, Master Attendant,” Milk said picking up her satchel. Gyoza hopped up on his rolling pin and Foie adjusted her grip on her staff, and then we were off.

* * *

Lis Rhythm was an easy figure to spot, easily towering above the crowds with wild, edgy black hair and a wicked smirk. Standing next to her was the tavern owner’s Tempura, the Defense Food Soul’s own impressive height and wild hair making it even easier to pick Lis out of a crowd.

Gyoza instantly perked up when he spotted Tempura, practically vibrating on top of his rolling pin. I hadn’t summoned one of my own, but Gyoza had once mentioned he had learned to fight from several older defense Souls, and a Tempura was one of them.

“Go on,” I said, and then he was speeding through the crowd, waving excitedly as he caught the attention of Lis and her Food Souls.

“There you are,” The woman smirked when we made it to her. “For a second I thought you might be late.”

“Good to see you too,” I raked my fingers through my hair, eyes lingering over the other Souls by her side - the seductive, wicked Spicy Gluten, and the shy, young healing Soul Salad, who had a magic basket he traveled around in not unlike Gyoza’s rolling pin.

Lis smirked. “You guys ready to go?”

“Yeah,” I said, looking over my three present Souls. “Let’s go take those Uke Mochi out of commission.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Lis said, clapping me on the shoulder before turning on her heel. “They’re right on the edge of the forest, shouldn’t take us long at all to get there. Half hour, tops.”

I nodded, adjusted my bag, and followed after her, a mixture of apprehension, excitement, and nervousness rolling in my stomach.

“We are here with you, Master Attendant,” Milk said quietly, just a hint of reAssurance slipping into her monotone. “We will protect you with all our being.”

“This is our fate,” Foie spoke, her wings fading in and out of sight. “There is no need for you to worry. This is what we are destined to do.”

Feeling buoyed by their words, a tiny hint of a smile slipping onto my lips.

“Then let’s get to it.”

~tbc


	2. battle in the secret forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a battle, and Spicy Gluten is So Dramatic.

The one word that came to mind was, simply put, chaos.

Lis and I had headed straight for where she had seen the Uke Mochis the previous afternoon only to find they had seemingly multiplied. Every time we struck one down, tentacles flying every which way, another two appeared in it’s place.

I was starting to think I should have brought my full team. Luckily, Foie was Charming every Uke Mochi that came too close, which was probably the only reason we were still alive.

“I think it’s time we start thinking about a tactical retreat!” I yelled at Lis, who ground her teeth.

“And what? Lead them straight into Hilena?” She shouted back at me, flinging a Straight Cut card through the air and into an Uke Mochi’s head.

That was...that was a good point. Theses fallen angels had to stop multiplying at some point, right? Biting my lip nervously, keeping a close eye on my Souls’ health, I pulled Grilled Purgatory out of my deck and hurled it into the air.

The card dissolved into angry, black-orange fire that latched onto several of our opponents, the flames growing in numbers as the fallen angels shrieked in outrage, slowly burning to a crisp.

“...I might have to get that card asap,” Lis muttered, eyeing the collapsing pile of ash as her Spicy darted forward, whip outstretched, to put another Uke Mochi I’d hit out of it’s misery.

“It’s a good card,” I agreed, feeling something like relief fill me as I eyed the dwindling numbers of Uke Mochi around us. I suddenly felt like we could do this, and that I’d make it home in time for the dinner rush.

Of course, in the true fashion of my life, this was when everything started to go wrong (again).

One of the mass of tentacles I had thought to be a dead Uke Mochi shifted, ever so slightly. Just as I was about to direct Foie to unleash her energy attack at it, the tentacles (so many of them) shot off in every direction, wrapping around the other Fallen Angels, dragging its kin to them.

I took a step back, wrapping my fingers tightly around my Super Dark Cuisine. “Lis-“

“Yeah, I know,” The other Master Attendant said, subtly flexing her muscles. “We’re in for the real fight now.”

“Gyoza can handle defense if you want to put Tempura on offense,” I offered, my eyes glued to the whirling, evolving form of the Uke Mochi as it devoured its kin.

“Probably a good idea,” She agreed. “We get out of this alive, you should come around for drinks.”

I nodded as we fell into formation, Tempura and Spicy right behind Gyoza, Foie hovering behind them, grip tight on her staff and expression stern on her face. Finally, the last line of defense between us and the Uke Mochi, Milk and poor Salad, visibly nervous but trying to stay strong.

Finally, the energy surrounding the Uke Mochi died down, and I swallowed as the writhing, dripping mass of brown-magenta tentacles that was an Enhanced Uke Mochi rose from the ground, a menacing yet utterly disgusting moan-shriek resonating from the gaping, teeth-filled hole that was its mouth.

As a long, slick tongue whipped out of the Fallen Angel’s mouth, I shuddered. “If we survive, I’ll bring dessert with me.”

“You got yourself a deal,” Lis said, and threw another Straight Cut card through the air, right into one of the Fallen Angel’s eyeballs.

“Nice shot!” I laughed as the Uke Mochi squealed in pain and fury, watching our Food Souls charge in, magic and weapons flying.

Spicy’s whip shot out, tangling with that long, disgusting tongue, pulling it forward and off balance. Gyoza had - to my surprise - hopped off his rolling pin and was using it to block most of the Fallen Angel’s tentacles, using his own, miniature pin as a boomerang.

Tempura was wrestling three tentacles at the same time, laughing all the while, while Foie was alternating between chanting charming spells to discombobulate the Uke Mochi and hurling her staff into the Fallen Angel’s softest, squishiest places.

I slid my Dark Cuisine card back into my deck, pulling out my Control cards as our Food Souls brought hell down on the Enhanced Uke Mochi, gaining the upper hand again now that there was only one enemy to contend with.

With me slinging Up Defense and Up Damage cards every which way, it wasn’t long before we had our foe on the ropes. Spicy yanked on her whip, literally tearing the Fallen Angel’s tongue out of her mouth, and the rest of our Souls threw all their might into one final blow, tearing the Uke Mochi into a pile of lifeless tentacles.

There was a beat of silence as we all just stared at the dead Fallen Angel, and then Spicy Gluten sniffed, dramatically throwing her whip on the ground.

“Master Attendant,” She said, whipping around to face Lis.

“Yeah, Spicy?”

“I’m going to need a new whip,” She said, practically glaring at the one laying on the ground, covered in slime and possibly Uke Mochi blood and tongue bits.

I couldn’t help it; I snuck to my knees, practically cackling as my body shook.

“Master Attendant?” Gyoza yelped, running over to me as I half-laughed, half-cried in relief, joy, and disbelief. “Are you okay? Master Attendant!”

“I-oh, I can’t believe-“ I snorted, tears sliding down my face. “I can’t believe that just happened!”

One of Milk’s arms wrapped around my shoulders, and she and Foie helped me stumble to my feet. “She’ll be fine, Gyoza,” The healer said, only a hint of exhaustion in her voice.

“You three get her home safe,” Lis said as I leaned heavily against Milk, body still shaking. “And don’t let her forget to come ‘round for drinks.”

“We won’t,” Foie said, firmly, guiding me towards the road.

“Bye-bye, Tempura!” Gyoza shouted, waving as he hopped up on his rolling pin. “I wanna fight you soon!”

“Sounds good, little buddy! Come find me when you got some free time!”

“Come on,” Milk said, voice softening. “When we get back, we shall have some tea with everyone.”

And, with that, we headed home.

~tbc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spicy is a diva & you can fight me
> 
> So, uh, hey guys. It’s been a while. Should not have taken me a month & a half to write this chapter but life got in the way (my mom got married!!!) and then I struggled writing the fight sequence SO MUCH. I rewrote several chunks several times, and I’m still not happy with the ending, but I literally could not mess around with this chapter anymore without wanting to scream.
> 
> So, since I’ve been gone, I’ve managed to rack up a roster of over 60 souls, shot up to level 64, and finally managed to get Steak, who was eluding me forever. This is all to say that I’m open to write pretty much whoever-the-fuck you guys request, so don’t be shy!
> 
> I’ve been playing around ideas with Miso, so you might see his fic before the third chap, because honestly I need a bit of a break from got milk?.
> 
> Kudos and comments feed my soul, as always. 
> 
> Sending my luck to everyone trying to get Pizza & Cassata (after failing to pull Bonito, my expectations for myself are non-existent)!!! See you next chap.


	3. home sweet home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All’s well that ends well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet chapter to wrap it all up. A little foreshadowing. Bavarian Milk makes an appearance - as does Black Tea’s queerness - and a set up for Plot.
> 
> Not the way I had originally planned to end this, but I had a gisnt story plot bunny pop into my head this morning, and I’m itching to start delving into it.  
> Enjoy guys!

By the time we reached the Café, I was hovering somewhere between exhaustion and a need to shove chocolate chip cookies down my throat until I was satisfied.

“Master Attendant?” Brownie appeared as soon as Milk and Foie helped me through the door, noise ceasing as all the eyes of my Food Souls turned towards me. Gyoza was behind us, lugging his rolling pin and Foie’s staff to the weapons room.

“I’m fine, Brownie,” I mumbled.

“She is tired and in need of a shower,” Foie interrupted. “We fought an Enhanced on top of the other Uke Mochi.”

Black Tea sidled up to my side, relieving Foie and Milk of my weight as she easily carried me towards the stairs. “Brownie, fetch Vodka and clothes for our Master Attendant. Hawthorne, Jello, perhaps you could whip something up for Master Attendant to eat once she’s clean.”

“Mmm...pot pie,” I said in appreciation, focusing on moving one foot in front of the other.

Vodka met us in front of the bathroom, Andre and her ever-present alcohol-filled glass nowhere in sight. She took one look at me and sighed, slipping in the bathroom to start up the shower.

“My foolish, foolish love,” She murmured once Black Tea had left, stripping and throwing away my dirty, unsalvageable clothes. “Next time, you will take me with you.”

“I’d never part you from your drinking buddies,” I managed to joke as she tipped my head under the spray. Warmth rushed through me and I exhaled. “Feels good.”

“Mmm...” Vodka’s gaze deepened. “For you, Master Attendant, I would go anywhere and leave everything behind.”

Those words deserved a kiss, and I gave it to her, murmuring, “Thank you, love.”

* * *

 

It was two days before I managed to find time to head to Rhythm Tavern, Vodka joining Foie, Milk, and Gyoza to accompany me.

The tavern was lively, noisy, and packed, but I managed to squeeze my way up to the bar where Lis was standing, speaking with her own Brownie, Spicy leaning seductively against the wall behind her.

Lis’ face broke into a grin when she saw me, beckoning me behind the counter and up the stairs. I followed her, leaving my Souls behind to mingle - Vodka was already goading Lis’ Yellow Wine into a drinking contest - as we headed upstairs.

I found myself sprawled across a loveseat in her study, a wrapped box shoved in my hands.

“From my customers,” Lis said, digging through the basket of baked goods I had brought. “A number of them banded together to gift us in thanks for wiping out that nest. Ooh, snickerdoodles.”

I tore through the wrapping, discovering the box was a treasure trove of items Master Attendants favored. Seasoning crystals to make my Souls stronger, a varied collection of currency to exchange at the Master Attendant Store in Hilena for Soul Embers and other useful battle items, several cards to add to my own attack deck.

Finally, at the bottom was a mostly-white outfit with a heavy Bavarian-tavern feel. There was a note attached that read A new look for your hard-working Milk, signed by Lis’ customers.

I lifted the dress out of the box, trying my best to keep a straight face. “I think Black Tea is going to enjoy this,” I said before I could help myself.

Lis snickered around a cookie, shooting me a thumbs up. “I think you’re right.”

* * *

My prediction came true.

Milk had changed into the outfit before we had left the tavern to come home. I had to admit, she looked adorable in the Bavarian-inspired outfit, white and purple-pink fabric wrapped around her. Feet clad in fashionable yet old-timey clogs over white stockings that made her legs seem to stretch on forever.

Black Tea took one look at her when she stepped through the door before grabbing her hand and pulling Milk up the stairs. Coffee, Vodka, and Hamburger burst into wolf-whistles as they left, leaving me to roll my eyes and bonk Coffee lightly on the head with the gift box I had taken home.

“Don’t you all have work to be doing?” I said shooing them towards Pudding, who had a maniacal glint in his eye.

“You don’t let us have any fun, darling,” Vodka sighed dramatically, kissing my cheek before darting away to Pudding.

I shook my head and watched her go before heading upstairs.

Pudding and Brownie would have the kitchen well in hand, and I thought perhaps it was time to do another summoning.

After all, with Vodka and all my other Souls at my side, I could handle just about anything, and I was eager to add to my family.

Little did I know it was only the calm before the storm. Within a week I would face perhaps my most difficult challenge of all.

My past.

~fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, in case anyone cares: I recently decided our MA is named Brielle. Still gonna use first person and avoid names for immersion purposes, though.
> 
> No promises about what’s to come next, I have PLOT stewing and I recently added Yogurt and Spaghetti to my roster so I have no idea what story will fall off the idea-tree next. Although, honestly, there’s a 90% chance it will involve Steak. I love my red knight.
> 
> See you guys next time.

**Author's Note:**

> all the younger defense souls are in awe/look up to pure sunshine tempura boy and you can’t convince me otherwise
> 
> Next Chapter: Our MA and their band take on the Uke Mochis and make an interesting discovery.


End file.
